The After-Christmas

Despite all the things that I felt during Christmas, Jesus Christ is here.

OK, so I felt bad during Christmas but I found out that I'm not the only one. When I was roaming around the city on Christmas day, my mom's friend lost his dad on that day. It was such a sad tragedy. People celebrate Christmas but his whole family grief for the old man's death. It was not long ago, his mother also passed away, I think it was about 2 months ago. And, I saw his dad. He was healthy and a very friendly old man. I can't believe he's gone now.

That's why I no longer feel like shit. 'Cos whatever it is, I still have my family together living under the same roof on Christmas day.

We got to move on... eventho' our loved ones gone.

Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year 2010.

Merry Christmas...

I'm posting this, maybe because I'm not ready to go to sleep yet. It's christmas and sadly not snowing. Snow never wants to get near this country... I wonder why???

Christmas is christmas. Whether you feel like it's coming or not, it's here. I have a friend who wonder "why do I feel that Christmas is not coming?". I ask myself that too... a lot. I don't know why I feel like disappearing from everything today. It's Christmas and it's one of those times where you share your love among your whole family and friends. It's a sad thing that I don't feel that this year. I even turn down my friend's invitation to celebrate Christmas with her and the others. It's not that I don't want to but... it's just that... I just felt that I have to stick with my family, especially my mother during this day.

Yesterday was not a very good Christmas eve. Christmas eve is about preparing for the Lord's coming. For Jesus to be born. Instead of that, I heard my mom and dad fought. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't cry because I was so mad or maybe because my brother was beside me and he just went off after that locking with loud songs playing in his bedroom. I'm sure somehow he's depress also. My mom didn't go to church for Christmas eve. And I didn't go to church just now. I always go to church on Christmas eve. I guess this year is different. I'm so sorry Lord. Forgive my sins. I'm so sorry Anthea for making you look for me in the church.

This is a challenge that I have to endure, eventho' I feel like disappearing. -Janey on Christmas-

holidays

I don't really know what to do these few days. Everyday is so... boring. I mean no homework, outdoor activities, no hangout places...and no money.

Yes, I'm broke. I withdraw my last college allowance last week when I was out with my girls. Well, I still have some left in my pocket but yeah, I don't think it's gonna last. I'm such a waste. My family is in this financial problem and all I do is spend!!! Shit. I gotta hold in. I can't tell my dad 'cos I know he'll be furious about it. I told my mom and she didn't give any reaction at all (that's why I told her).

I'm so bored.... but this is what holidays are about right? No worries, nothing educational going on except when you study which is totally out for me (I've had enough of torture).

I want a dog. My dog died when I was away studying in college. So I want a dog...

I have this assignment which are requested by people-who-I-don't-really-know a.k.a strangers about music sheets that they ask for. Well, I'm trying to do it... the problem is my theory in music is really bad so I don't know how to do any music scores. I will try to do it without any music annotations or expressions. Just notes will be fine. I wanted to do a tutorial but... if only someone can help me hold the camera. Forget it, I'm not going to expose myself to any video anymore. It's ridiculous.

My holiday is like this...

1. Gossip girl

2. Heroes Season 3

3. Sally's Spa

4. Machinarium

Machinarium is an amazing adventure game. My brother made me install this and I love it. The view is awe-inspiring!!! I love the animation... I can't put it in words but hey, there's always pictures. The person who made this game is pretty much a genius. I ADORE YOUR ARTWORK whoever you are.

I'm currently stuck here. Sucks much?

Where it started.

You can google it to see more cool views of it. It's a good game. Works for the brain.

I'm back. Alleluia

Oh hey, nice to ran into my boring yet I would say nice blog... sheesh...

Actually right now, I'm not in that mood to... what do you call that??? oh BLOGGING... shuush, I don't want anyone to know I had a brain damage. But I decided to do it anyway. Better now than never, right?

What have I been doing when I'm not spending my time typing silly utterings in this site?

First, my exam is over!!!! The 1st semester exam. It was ... so "not that good" 'til I can't even spill a word about it. hee... Just kidding. Well, I think I did not spent my study week that wisely but I did study everyday with a little eye nourishment once in a day. I know, I'm the worse but I just can't spend my waking hours just to put my eye in front of books and notes everyday! It is unhuman to do that, atleast for me. Here's a statement on each of my papers.

English P.1 - cool

Maths P.1 - o.k?

Maths P.2 - Gwahh??

English P.2 - Ummph...

Economy - Hm...

Business Management - grrr...

Account - imbalance

Well, what do you think? I know most of them are not even statement because they're not even words. It's because itissobloodyawfulican'tevenstateit. Sorry, you have to read that slowly. I was a little disappointed because now I know I'll gain fats during holidays but not waiting for any 4-flats.

It has been so hard in Matriculation College. It's all about study, rules and sports... I don't even have time for arts. I have time but it was stolen from all those shit-study time. Mind my language. Now, I can't even feel my middle toe. I wonder why.

So the past is past but the future couldn't get any worse....

My friends and I, planned to go for picnic at the beach and yeah, we were all happy that we could release our stress. We didn't see anything coming. Anything like... our lecturers will lecture us at the beach. I was so f***ed up to see and hear their f-ing lecture about the whole beach thing was a bad idea!!! Bunch of a**es trying to ruin our evening!

His lecture was about short pants... why we shouldn't wear short pants and why we couldn't wear them there. "This is a malay place, you can't dress like that here." something like that... so if tourists wear like that, are you going to lecture them?? They are like so retarded. I almost fight my words to one of the lecturers and if my friends haven't stop me, I could've won... yeah, right... so much for my boast act. The reason I fought because I can't stand he involved religion and whatever his talk about the bible. Does he even read the bible for anyone's sake? If you don't read the bible, you don't talk about it or it's content! I'm sorry to say, he is a muslim. And, I'm not anti-muslim but this is just too much. I hate the way they control things but I don't hate them. That is all I like to comment. It will take a whole night typing about things that aren't necessary for you to read. Actually, why do I even bother typing that? see, I'm doing it again.

Our so-called release-stress day is not even close. It changes to building-stress day and it's not over.

We got into another trouble. Going home late and lying to the guard and getting out without permission or even any wise reasons. It's a pain that we get to see the lecturer who gave us the talk about "how the beach can kill us". It's stupid I know. We got another lecture from a different lecturer and then he let us go. Why couldn't they just make it a school day so we will hear lectures every hour. urgh... But thank God, he let us go.

That was on 19th October 2009, a history for us in that college.

Yesterday was ok... No trouble. Just another ordinary day.

Today, the four of us (me, Emelia, Mizie and Van) went home using flight and we had our breakfast at mcD's. The journey was worth it 'cos I'm not tired at all. My mum brought me to Karamunsing to look for something she needs to buy and... guess what I did?

I donated my own O positive blood to the Likas Hospital!!!!!! I was so eager to go. I mean, I wanted to donate my blood since my age allows me to. I was so excited. The mood went away when I saw the big needle that is going into my arm!!! I wanted to cry if it hurts but it didn't. I was safe. haha. I don't have any visual of me sitting there letting my blood flows but I have proofs. Here you are:

My blood donor book

My first donation!!!! hee...

The hand that might save a life.

The wound.. the red one not the black mole.

So HEY!! GO DONATE, SAVING A LIFE IS WORTH IT.

No, I didn't feel dizzy or nauseous or sick right now but my arm hurt. Must be from the wound.

unprepared

The semester exam is just around the corner... another 10 days perhaps and I haven't prepared a damn thing. Well sure it's my fault but... nevermind (it's not worth giving any shit about it)
So...
I've decided that I will not never have anything anymore to deal with any shits happening here in Matix (unless it's educational).

I hate the fact that I can't control my desire to not satisfy it. Shit a**hole.

Out there

This is what happen when "we" go out...

The whole world just starts to collapse. You know what I mean?

Nah, actually, the world is still standing. I was just exaggerating.

Pictures?? sure..

We encounter a very heart-melting creature.

A goldie retriever.

A husky. Not sure if it's a pure blood, I mean it doesn't have the eye color right.

Whatever, what do I know?

Pool baby!

versus

The audiences... oh, + the camera-girl. I was watching too...

We're not playing 'cos we really suck at this especially me.

Bunch of hungry people... careful, they'll bite.

Someone is pretty much missing...hmm...

There are some other photos I wanna share. It's the B-boy from Korea and of course Sabah.

They were cool alright but I've seen better. haha.

Tomorrow

I was hoping tomorrow will be a different and a better day with no more waking up at 2 pm and only took bath once in a day and didn't revise anything. So I'll be starting with UZK assignment tomorrow and maybe ask my dad to buy me tickets to go back. I hate my college but I have to go back and finish my challenge there. Running away is never the solution.

Pictures from Kolej Matrikulasi Labuan:

My tutorial mates

With our mentor, Madam Norti

Sleeping in a lecture?

She's not the only one... I've slept too, until my pen fell down.

Lecture hall

Curl nite

I have a lot more... but that's about it in here.

bye,

till i-don't-know-when...

Guitar..guitar

From my definition... guitar is like my food for my mood.

I'm totally miserable right now because... when I got home, guess what I found?

Couldn't put it in words so might as well show you.

sad...sad.. isn't it?

take a closer look

it's really broken... total misery.

so..

I play songs with this instead.

It's my brothers.

Well, the sound is not that good to play acoustics but it'll do since I don't have a proper acoustic guitar. I really hope my guitar will get well soon or else I'll have to do a funeral ceremony for it.

everything is gonna be fine

Things that makes me happy:

1. Finally, there's water on the 3rd floor.
2. I'm going home this Friday.
3. Everything is so relax this week.
4. Movies are so much more... wakakak.

Things that makes me unhappy:

1. I didn't know my sister was hospitalize until she was out.
2. Bloody hell, I have a quiz today and I didn't finish my maths tutorial.
3. Final exam is less than 1 months.
4. My speaking test is on the 1st day of study leave. WTH??

Above all things that makes you sad, there's always a solution to it. No matter how bad it is and you feel like leaving the world already, there's always something that will give you light. Believe me, I know what that feels like.

There was that darkest hour of my life where I almost did it. I just feel like letting all of it go. Just let death take me away from this cruel world. I almost did it until I heard "I thought you're stronger than this...". From that day onwards, I tried to look on the bright side.

Problems are something that can be solve. No matter how big it is, it's small when you get to solve it. Try to be optimistic for a change. God made us invincible to these problems, if not? Why would He even made us the first place if we keep dying because of A problem like we couldn't choose our own shampoo. That's just stupid and God definitely is not stupid.

Everybody is talking bad about you? So what? Just live.
You didn't get good results? So what? Success is not something you try once and get it. So live.
You're broke? So what? Just live...money is negotiable. You're not the worst.
....etc.etc.

God bless you.

facing the crisis

Thursday, 10 August 2008 - Labuan Matriculation College is currently facing a major water problem...

I've been trying to blog about this since we had out first water crisis last month. I just had to figure out what kind of expression to use.

I just feel like my whole body is going to shut down if there's zero water and the Timbalan Menteri is not, in his power, doing anything to fix this shitty problem... oops, mind my language.

This is really awful especially for us students. I mean, final is just around the corner and we spend hours trying to find water and the time is better use for studying. Don't you think? If this is still going on... I don't think everyone is going to excel.

No wonder they call this place... KMhell...

When we(students) are mad about something in that particular place, we tend to release our feeling towards the place and the people in it... whose in charge. But, I don't want to curse anyone here 'cos I had enough trouble.

I'm afraid one of my lecturer might read this and I'll be under the surveillance of the disciplinary section.

Last night, the four of us, went to the hotel just to take a nice bath and wash all our dirty clothes. Which is a waste of time and waste of money. We just had to do that because of the damn water crisis in this college.

ventilate it

Wow.... it’s been a long time since I’ve post my last blog.

Well, I’m not much of a updater on anything. I didn’t blog because I’ve no time to do it. WHY??? Because the college that I go to, Labuan Matriculation College is so freaking annoying with the water problems!!! I somehow hated this college because of one problem. It’s not small... It’s big. I mean we only have like what? 10 months? To finish all our syllabus and get out of this living hell and we have to waste our precious time to carry pails of water to 3^rd floor every night and day. That’s just... utterly insane. There’s one time we have to look for water at midnight and travel half of the college to finally find it plus carried to pails full of water and clothes... I could have broken my hips that night but thank God, Alleluia, I didn’t.

I’m kinda relieve that it’s not like that anymore... at least for now.

So Matrix was a whole new adventure which I journey together with my friends from school and meet new people. And, I realize... actually I have longed realize that I’m actually a night person... not a morning person... not even evening. Class starts at 8pm and recently I woke up at 7.45 am... How awful is that? That’s because I stayed up ‘til 4 am. I’m usually the last person to sleep in my room and also the last person to wake up in the morning... In addition, it’s fasting season for the muslims so if I stayed up, and go to sleep, they woke up and eat. I could have join them but nah, I’m too tired. Haha.....

Oh, and I can’t wait to go home this Friday. I want to hug my mom and tell her that everything will be OK for all of us... I LOVE YOU Mommy and nothing can stop me from loving you eventho’ after all that we’ve been thro’.

Adapting

I am adapting myself here in KML. And I have photos!!!
I was lazy to do this but since procrastination is the thief of time so what the heck.

This is the views of the college I go to along with other 3000++ students.

Basically...
this is what happen this week
we celebrated my birthday...actually I shared with 8 other people.

the aftermath of the celebration

KaKOM marathon day... Wait... someone is missing. oh it's me.

Waiting for the runners to arrive, the boys were pretty excited clapping hands.

After the marathon, we have gathering going on here... After the choir finishes the 2nd song, it was raining heavily... and the marching field is empty. haha.

But from my opinion, I think the choir did a pretty good job. Some people might think that they are the ones who called the rain but nah, I think the choir did well. Not to say anything but maybe the choir will be more powerful if I was in the choir, hahahah.... crap.
I didn't passed the 1st audition so (stop dreaming Janey!)

There are loads of thought in my mind that I wanted to tell but some things are better left unsaid before anyone gets hurt.

Haunts

Today's thought is...

No... not a house. This is not just a picture of some house. It's the Red Rose Mansion and people have disappeared mysteriously in there. Believe it or not...? It's really up to you.

I pick this topic for my discussion with myself because it is 27th.

So what if it's 27th?? I know right? So what?

Well, this place where I'm at right now have a history of a girl killed herself at Block A on the 27th of.... I don't know. And according to the source, every 27th, they girl will wander around. So just now when I was happily doing my intro and outro of my English essay, our whole block went black and everyone was pretty terrified. It was MID-night. 12.00am midnight...27th. I knew and aware of it. In fact the date was the first thing on my mind other than angry because I couldn't finish my intro.

But... I don't feel anything at all. Seriously not anything. My mood was pratically neutral.

I do believe in ghost but sometimes I wonder why should we be afraid of them? Because they can do things that we can't? You mean like flying or walk through walls? How do you even know that? From a movie? Right....

Well, in FACT I was afraid. But I've never experience such bullshit in my life so I don't get traumatize by this kinds of situation. Although, I have to say that I can't go to the forest alone at night either. I still have that timid part of me.

I do think haunting houses or places are pretty cool...

Peace out.

Economy?

Thoughts of the day...

Starbucks here in Malaysia is so expensive... and I've never buy one 'cos I'm not a very big fan of coffee. I hated coffee but I still drink it. I guess I needed it. I hated how it tasted. It makes me wanna vomit. But as days pass by, I think I'm getting use to it...
Well, that's not the thought for today...

What I'm trying to say is...

Starbucks coffee is like YoYo in America. Not the toy, YoYo. The YoYo drink shop that we have here in Malaysia.

Therefore, in M'sia, Starbucks are like, barang mewah. Exclusive items for high-standard people. Maybe, the coffee in Starbucks are high-quality, that's why the higher the price is, the more trust the blind people gain, the higher potential of the product to sell.

Well, that's basically what I learn in economy. Which can be pretty suck if you don't understand and a whole lot interesting if you understand.

Speaking of economy, I haven't done my tutorial. Yea... for me... and I have to face Maths quiz tomorrow which is a little bit suck 'cos next week is the same thing.

Surviving KML

Atlast, this is where I decide to update my blog...

So I'm currently adapting myself to the KML invironment now.... after 1 months and 12 days?... Yes, 1 months and 12 days. It's kinda sick and stressful yet I'm still living.still surviving... Still enduring the pain that is coming everyday in thisdreadful situation. (OK, that was too much)

Anyway, there's plenty of thoughts that I wanted to ventilate here... Lemme list it down so it'll be easier to read and don't take my time too much:

1.The reason that I wanted to save up time because I need to chase the time.
2.My account lecture, Miss Masitah is driving me crazy sometimes but she's alright at some point but yeah, you'll get frustration when she's not.
3.I don't understand why my Business lecturer Puan Wan is giving shits about people who sits at the back and people are not paying attention in lecture hall. It's not really her shit when the person fails. ( Ya, I know that this is for our own good. It's just that I feel like a crap when she does that. I got it twice... I think I'm pretty famous for shattering her moods.)
4.My English lecturer, Miss Chuan is pretty cool... but sometimes scary. Why? Because she brings chilli in class for the special people who speaks in Malay during her class. The one thing that I was inebriated about was that she ask us to avoid the “lah” when we speak but she still use it. Oh and tomorrow we're going to eat breakfast together in class.
5.I'm facing quizzes every week in tutorial class as well as in lecture hall which we have less time to prepare and sorts our head with all facts about business, jurnals and concepts in account, calculation in mathematics, scheme answers in economy (oh, how I hate the marking scheme. Half mark for every point. Crap...)
6.Water problems in hostel suck a lot.
…
there's more but later...

Matrix

So I'm officially a college girl and I can't say much about it 'cos it's only been like what? 1 week?

Yea... 1 hell of a week.

The college orientation just finished yesterday and I'm at home...

( I know, 1 week baru, sudah mahu balik... apa la tuh?)

Actually I wanted to go back because I wanted to ge my books and some important stuff inside. The orientation wasn't that bad actually. Because of a lot of students got sick and all... the activity wasn't too bad. Oh and we only sleep like 2-3 hours... and they are loads of students who fell asleep during talks and everything. It's really funny and you should've seen them!!!

I'm pretty excited about class and the one thing I don't want to feel is the spirit of laziness that I have in high school.... I have to keep that spirit of hardworking and put a lot of effort in this one. Why? Because it's only gonna be 10 months to study and I didn't even have any basic in accounts. I was in pure science but took account course in Matrix. You might be thinking, am I crazy??? No... I just know what I wanted to do already so it's better to change now then never.

So I think that's all... I might not be able to update this anymore... So Chao!!

I'm BACK!!!!!!

Wohoo!!! I tell you!!! It's godd to be back. I dislike military-based routines everday! And National Service is like that. But the again people, it's not that bad at all. ot that bad because you're not alone and you've got a lot of friends to cherish.

So yea, I cried....

Bloody hell, I cried....

Yes, because it's such a sad thing that I (Janey) have to leave early for some educational purposes. I love my friends so much... especially WW Dorm 2.

Janey
Aida
Nas
Niesa
Jo-N
D-Jah
Aien
Lily
Ayu
Yatt
Ah Yen
Hwei Jing
Annie
Seri
Nad
Fika
Jass
Dewy
Wan
Sakuya
Sung Eng
Hajar
Ada
Sue
Ee Lin
Ka Fun
See Yin

(wow, I didn't forget anyone... proves that i walk around too much)

The names are according to our bed no. and yes I'm the first one. The moment I step in the camp, everything is 1... bed is 1, CB class is 1, company is 1 - Alpha... after a while, the no. 1 curse is gone.

I think our camp is not that strict because unlike other camps, we don't march on our way to the canteen. Gosh, that must be really hard. I think I can die... nah, jk.

So yeah, I think I'll be missing Kem Paya Indah and the teachers also not forgetting all the trainees for Group 2/2009!!! I LOVE THEM ALL!!!!!!

There are a lot of stuff to talk about NS but I'm kinda tired and I'm too lazy to type.

I'll be leaving really soon

Since I really can't blog in National Service so I'm gonna blog out my thoughts for the last time.

I'm gonna miss all my friends here in KK and I love them so much as much as I love my family.
I'm sorry if I'm such a burden to you guys but that's how I am. You people have to understand.
But then again, I promise I will be a better person in the future. I may not change a lot better but I will try.
So I want to say, take care of each other while I'm not here with you and I hope that our friendship will last 'til we breathe our last breath.
I want all of you to know this so Miza (if you're reading) please tell 'em.
I'll be shedding tears for leaving home but I'll be coming back.
You girls in Stella Maris are the miracles in my life 'cos we spend our adolescence years together which is the most memorable stages that we go through our whole entire lives. I will cherish every moment. Thank you for everything girls! Love you 'til infinity.
Friends of Life Teen and from church... you guys rock my world as Jesus did. You build me up spiritually strong and ready to face the real world. Thanks people!

Sincerely,
Janey

I'm leaving on a jetplane...

Well, I'm not exactly leaving on a jetplane but on a plane. I'll be going to National Service for 2 to 3 months. That is like leaving home for military school. Well, it's not exactly a military school... It's just like one. I mean holding guns and squad on a team and be a crocodile passing through the nets and stuff... and flying fox, kayaking and lots of extreme and life-threatening activitives. Not that anyone will died but someone did died...(sad isn't it? i know right...?) but still 99% lives so there's no reason I shouldn't live unless it's my time. But I pray to God that I will survive this thing.

I didn't thing that anybody will care about me going to this because I've live my years of life being ignored by the society... Sometimes I feel left out by my crowd of friends (yes Miza, I do.) I think the only one who knows about this is Leha since we spend so much time with each other at work then I throw all the blame on her. I'm so sorry Leha, I didn't mean too. You can hate me if you want to... Forgive me for my naive reaction. I know that I need to blow it off but it's really hard for me. I guess I'm use to the attention that has been brought up since I was little in my family. I guess I'm not that little girl anymore. And I need to grow up. So what if nobody give a damn about me, I'd still live. It's not like I'm gonna die of misery. There's a lot of things I wanted to share in this blog but I don't think I'm ready. I'm ready when it's time to run away. To let things cool off for a moment. If you're sorry, don't be 'cos it's my fault. And no, I'm not gonna kill myself. I was brought up spiritually strong so nothing bad is gonna happen. I know where I will go if I did that.

So yea, that was my little confession. I don't want to blame anyone but myself. Maybe it's my fault that I don't know how to blend in the chemistry we all had in high school. What the heck? I got C for my Chemistry. It's not that I don't like Chemistry, I find it amusing but sometimes it's really complicated. Sorry Teacher Phyllis, didn't mean to dissapoint you.

I felt really guilty that I spend so much on my money that I wanted to save for NS and my dad was pretty much pissed off and felt like he wanted to do nothing about me and don't want to give me any more money. And about my mom, she gave me extra pocket money so that I will survive. I'm not planning to use it tho' except when I really need it. I think I really have to save up. But then again, at least I don't go to night club and waste time and money... (Sorry if it caught you) But spending your parents money on clubbing is not a very wise thing to do. Getting wasted is a whole lots of waste of time. And it takes time and a lot of effort to go sober again so it's pretty much a waste of time and a waste of energy. ARGH!!! Screw it.... I'm not lecturing here!

So yea, I'm gonna miss everyone... Especially everyone... My mom mostly, and my family. I don't think I will miss my 2nd bro because he was excited that I was going... and he told me I was just messing up the house. Well, screw him. He was messing the house up. Not that he is messing it up but he is a mess to this house, this lovely sanctuary of mine. He should get a place of his own! But then again, I'm not that evil, I'm gonna miss having a fight with him. I'm gonna miss the puppies, can't watch them grow. So as the kittens. They can't even see me!!! How can they remember me?? O...no. And my cat and dog, Letto, I'm so gonna miss him!

So some of my friends wanted to see me go off tomorrow. I really hope so.

I finish this one book called Grafitti Girl by Kelly Parla and I love it. I gave the book to Bibiana 'cos I'm done with it. That is the kind of book that I wanted to read non-stop and I did. Finished it in one day with 200++ pages. I think that is where I got a feeling that I should blog. I just love how a writer writes with many description and intonation and definitions... It kinda makes a story interesting. And no, I'm not gonna take up writing. I just love reading good books. And 1 more thing about the book, it's published by MTV!!! Which is super cool 'cos I don't see a lot of MTV. Haha.

"This is the cover of the book... cool isn't it?
When I first saw it, I knew it was the kind of book that I like."

GERMAYNE

darn that thing

I have to admit, taking SPM result does have an effect in my life during these past few days.

Maybe not for you, but for me it has an enormous effect. Well, maybe not that big but yea, faham-faham la bah!

In the last few days I've been really quiet and I have no mood at all... not at all. I do things quiet and very slow just so that I could forget about taking my result....
I don't want to put my hopes to high and I won't.
I just hope that I won't drown myself taking my result.
Since my mom is not here...(she's inTawau, visiting my uncle) I have to do all the house chores.

I pray so that my uncle will be A OK.

I tried to do a lot of things including playing my favorite game in PS2 and reading a novel and the net and listening to music, dance... but sadly, the letter s.p.m. is always hunting me.
They say, "nervous is good"
but i'd say, "too nervous is not good"
it's the same thing as putting up your hopes too high then nothing is too high in the end.
I guess, I just have to wait 'til the doomsday comes.

Oh, and one more thing, since I already have my license and I can drive legally, I want and seriously want to take my result on my own... no escort. So I might as well ask my dad to let me.

O God most gracious Father, please let me drive!!! Please soften my father's heart so that he will pitifully let me drive.

I guess that all... I know that this post is a bit boring because I have no intention of making this post... a.k.a. no mood at all. But what the heck, Thanks For Reading and have a nice day people.

Guess what people???!!!

During my times of learning, I would have never thought that ...

So today I went for JPJ test at my driving school and gawd I was so freaking nervous because

#1: I woke up late... my tutor was suppose to pick me up at 7 am and I was so tired, so I overslept and woke around 7.40am. My tutor was already outside waiting while I was still snoozing my nose off!! PLUS... I didn't even hear the phone rings and the alarm I set. Gawd, I must be sleeping like sloth! My bro probably think I was dead when he shouted my name awaking me.

#2: Was suppose to practice driving for 2 hours today and was only able to make for 1 hour 'cos JPJ test was about to start at 8.30am. Actually, it was less than an hour... darn.

#3: I was so bloody blur about where to start and what to do first which is the 5 perkara.
Odoi kangkudiau, au zou hafal iho.

#4: I don't have any friends to talk and discuss to and mu tutor was so friggin' sure I was going to pass like a rainbow.

So I practice the lebuhraya and try to recall and memorize all those things with changing gears, signals, how fast can you go and not to panic.... gawsh, it was hard to do it when it's been like 2 weeks since you didn't drive. darn.

Then after that awful drive, we went to KMK to practice the hill. Which I was pretty fine already. Well, I was hopeful. And then after a while, came another of my tutor's student which his name is BiBi. Then I do a few time with the hill and we exchange sit and he did it. He was a smooth driver and I feel safe with him. Rupa-rupanya.... he have a car but no license.

So I've got myself a friend to talk to and discuss to... (O God, thank you so much!!!!)

Then we talk about a lot of things which is the 5 perkara and the side parking and the hill and bla...bla...bla... until it's our turn to do the 3 basic drive (hill, side parking and 3 pointer). I went first and BB went after me.

The hill - the examiner was a dude... so he asked me to start at the white line and off I go.... I stop right on top of the yellow line! YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! and he asked me to put my hand up if I was ready to pass and putting down my handbrake and off I went to the side parking area. Alleluia. (32 secs)

Side parking - This time, the examiner was a woman. And I was told to put my hand up if I wanted to start and put my hand up if I wanted to go out. So I put my hand up and then start (there was a timer!! she was holding a timer!! o gosh). I almost and BB was at my back so he told me I was really close to the poll and he almost push his horn to warn me (haha, thanks dude but I knew it was close. Sengaja bah... kaC trill sikit.) But I didn't hit the poll. I can say my side parking was perfect. I always wanted it to be perfect. hehe. (bah, minta puji mcm mau kena tampar2). The reason I wanted it to be close to the poll because it makes me easier and it will look beautiful if I go out. So basically, my instinct are OK. So I went out with enough measurement and went to the next one. (2 mins 2 secs)

3 penjuru (btul ka 3 pointer?) - So I was waiting for my turn to do the 3 penjuru and when it is my turn, I didn't know the examiner was looking at me because her eyes was at the side parking and she turn her face and shouted "Janey! Angkat lah tangan!!! (Janey, put up you hand!)" It was so awkward I sink myself into the steering after I put up my hand. (Bikin malu!!!! Kureng butul oh tu puan. Kalo iya pun nda payah lah bah teriak.) But then I think she had to shout 'cos I was far. And when I told BB, he was like "ooo, ko pula tu yang kena teriak." Aduinah... bikin.penjuru was fine and no I didn't go near the poll this time. (52 secs)

So I went to park the car, went to where the examiner sat and sign the documents. I PASSED all three!!!!! Alleluia.

If you're looking at the time, my lucky no. for that day might be 2.

BB told me that there's 1 girl that was asked to go home because she failed the hill. Punyala...
It was such a sad thing because she was asked harshly to go home. The JPJ didn't even say like this "Sorry miss but you failed and you can go home. Try again." instead he said "Get out of the car. You can go home." That's all. If I were her, I would flush myself.

So we waited for the 2nd one which is the highway test for 2 hours. Darn, it was like a long wait and... nevermind... (gawd, i'm such a racist!)

It was my turn and I got a bigger car which is Saga and BB got a smaller car which we use for practice. It was not fair. He's bigger. (Darn, I sound like a kid craving for vanilla ice-cream instead I got a choco?) So yea, he was behind me again ("-.-).

At first, the engine broke so I had to start again, it turns out that I didn't put down the handbrake. (ai, budu nokopio!) Then I start the second go and off I went. The car was racing. LOL, lost control of clutch. hehe... but it was alright until I didn't signal at some point and I was so bloody worried. There was a construction going on and we had to stop to let a truck pass and then the part where I was worried about which is the roundabout, I did pretty well. Thank God.
And then after all of the misery, we stopped and he gave me my result. And I PASSED!!!!!!!!
And BB passed too.

True students of Uncle Jinggol (oh, that's my tutor.) hehe. Uncle Jinggol rules!

We gave our result to JPJ and then he said we can go home. BB sent me home with his car. He brought his car!!! darn... He's been driving for 3 years without a license which is CRAZY! Not only for three year but going and back from kk to bintulu. That's friggin' far. (Gila oh... I wonder why he's not caught...)

I passed miraculously.

Thanks for reading... I never knew you people would survive this boring post.

I Miss...

There are a lot of things I miss right now... mostly hanging out with my friends. I miss the laugher and the joy we had in high school. It's true what my teachers said that
"karang kalo kamu sdh habis high school, kamu akan rindu tu semua kawan kamu. trus kamu mau balik skul lagi"
and Miss Sang said "If you turn 30, you will wonder how your old high school friends are doing"
Oh gawsh, it's such a sad thing to think about that. There could be possibilities that only Miza is reading this... and maybe M'lia... so I wanna say, not only you two but also the rest of the gang that I love you girls 'til the end and I'll always cherish the time we had together, our madness, our youthfulness and the crazy times we had in class and in school. If I did anything wrong, I'm sorry girls. I was young and stupid (not forgetting....blur). Still is now....hahah.

And last Saturday, we went to 1B to go for the education fair and gawd I tell you, 1B was boring. There's like nowhere to hang.
Tidak apa la kalo kami semua ni loaded trus kalo duduk satu tempat pun teda masalah. K-box pun tutup. Main game ja lah... itu pun mahal butul ni... Trus banyak btul ni couple sempena Vday.
Then we decide to go to Waterfront and eat there and hang out for a bit, talk about our past and present. It's such a wonderful time.... I wish it could last forever.

I miss Anthea too. It's been such a long time since I have not seen her eventho' she here in KK. I wanna go out with you!!!!! But WHEN????!!!!
(I know she's not gonna read this so I'll jst sms her.)

And I miss Flyleaf... I miss being crazy over them... So I'm gonna be crazy over them again since it brings a lot of cheerful memories when listening to their songs.

I want this CD!!!!!

Check my Playlist which you can see on the left and song no. 2 for the full audio.