I'll be leaving really soon

Since I really can't blog in National Service so I'm gonna blog out my thoughts for the last time.

I'm gonna miss all my friends here in KK and I love them so much as much as I love my family.
I'm sorry if I'm such a burden to you guys but that's how I am. You people have to understand.
But then again, I promise I will be a better person in the future. I may not change a lot better but I will try.
So I want to say, take care of each other while I'm not here with you and I hope that our friendship will last 'til we breathe our last breath.
I want all of you to know this so Miza (if you're reading) please tell 'em.
I'll be shedding tears for leaving home but I'll be coming back.
You girls in Stella Maris are the miracles in my life 'cos we spend our adolescence years together which is the most memorable stages that we go through our whole entire lives. I will cherish every moment. Thank you for everything girls! Love you 'til infinity.
Friends of Life Teen and from church... you guys rock my world as Jesus did. You build me up spiritually strong and ready to face the real world. Thanks people!

Sincerely,
Janey

I'm leaving on a jetplane...

Well, I'm not exactly leaving on a jetplane but on a plane. I'll be going to National Service for 2 to 3 months. That is like leaving home for military school. Well, it's not exactly a military school... It's just like one. I mean holding guns and squad on a team and be a crocodile passing through the nets and stuff... and flying fox, kayaking and lots of extreme and life-threatening activitives. Not that anyone will died but someone did died...(sad isn't it? i know right...?) but still 99% lives so there's no reason I shouldn't live unless it's my time. But I pray to God that I will survive this thing.

I didn't thing that anybody will care about me going to this because I've live my years of life being ignored by the society... Sometimes I feel left out by my crowd of friends (yes Miza, I do.) I think the only one who knows about this is Leha since we spend so much time with each other at work then I throw all the blame on her. I'm so sorry Leha, I didn't mean too. You can hate me if you want to... Forgive me for my naive reaction. I know that I need to blow it off but it's really hard for me. I guess I'm use to the attention that has been brought up since I was little in my family. I guess I'm not that little girl anymore. And I need to grow up. So what if nobody give a damn about me, I'd still live. It's not like I'm gonna die of misery. There's a lot of things I wanted to share in this blog but I don't think I'm ready. I'm ready when it's time to run away. To let things cool off for a moment. If you're sorry, don't be 'cos it's my fault. And no, I'm not gonna kill myself. I was brought up spiritually strong so nothing bad is gonna happen. I know where I will go if I did that.

So yea, that was my little confession. I don't want to blame anyone but myself. Maybe it's my fault that I don't know how to blend in the chemistry we all had in high school. What the heck? I got C for my Chemistry. It's not that I don't like Chemistry, I find it amusing but sometimes it's really complicated. Sorry Teacher Phyllis, didn't mean to dissapoint you.

I felt really guilty that I spend so much on my money that I wanted to save for NS and my dad was pretty much pissed off and felt like he wanted to do nothing about me and don't want to give me any more money. And about my mom, she gave me extra pocket money so that I will survive. I'm not planning to use it tho' except when I really need it. I think I really have to save up. But then again, at least I don't go to night club and waste time and money... (Sorry if it caught you) But spending your parents money on clubbing is not a very wise thing to do. Getting wasted is a whole lots of waste of time. And it takes time and a lot of effort to go sober again so it's pretty much a waste of time and a waste of energy. ARGH!!! Screw it.... I'm not lecturing here!

So yea, I'm gonna miss everyone... Especially everyone... My mom mostly, and my family. I don't think I will miss my 2nd bro because he was excited that I was going... and he told me I was just messing up the house. Well, screw him. He was messing the house up. Not that he is messing it up but he is a mess to this house, this lovely sanctuary of mine. He should get a place of his own! But then again, I'm not that evil, I'm gonna miss having a fight with him. I'm gonna miss the puppies, can't watch them grow. So as the kittens. They can't even see me!!! How can they remember me?? O...no. And my cat and dog, Letto, I'm so gonna miss him!

So some of my friends wanted to see me go off tomorrow. I really hope so.

I finish this one book called Grafitti Girl by Kelly Parla and I love it. I gave the book to Bibiana 'cos I'm done with it. That is the kind of book that I wanted to read non-stop and I did. Finished it in one day with 200++ pages. I think that is where I got a feeling that I should blog. I just love how a writer writes with many description and intonation and definitions... It kinda makes a story interesting. And no, I'm not gonna take up writing. I just love reading good books. And 1 more thing about the book, it's published by MTV!!! Which is super cool 'cos I don't see a lot of MTV. Haha.

"This is the cover of the book... cool isn't it?
When I first saw it, I knew it was the kind of book that I like."

GERMAYNE

darn that thing

I have to admit, taking SPM result does have an effect in my life during these past few days.

Maybe not for you, but for me it has an enormous effect. Well, maybe not that big but yea, faham-faham la bah!

In the last few days I've been really quiet and I have no mood at all... not at all. I do things quiet and very slow just so that I could forget about taking my result....
I don't want to put my hopes to high and I won't.
I just hope that I won't drown myself taking my result.
Since my mom is not here...(she's inTawau, visiting my uncle) I have to do all the house chores.

I pray so that my uncle will be A OK.

I tried to do a lot of things including playing my favorite game in PS2 and reading a novel and the net and listening to music, dance... but sadly, the letter s.p.m. is always hunting me.
They say, "nervous is good"
but i'd say, "too nervous is not good"
it's the same thing as putting up your hopes too high then nothing is too high in the end.
I guess, I just have to wait 'til the doomsday comes.

Oh, and one more thing, since I already have my license and I can drive legally, I want and seriously want to take my result on my own... no escort. So I might as well ask my dad to let me.

O God most gracious Father, please let me drive!!! Please soften my father's heart so that he will pitifully let me drive.

I guess that all... I know that this post is a bit boring because I have no intention of making this post... a.k.a. no mood at all. But what the heck, Thanks For Reading and have a nice day people.