Matrix

So I'm officially a college girl and I can't say much about it 'cos it's only been like what? 1 week?

Yea... 1 hell of a week.

The college orientation just finished yesterday and I'm at home...

( I know, 1 week baru, sudah mahu balik... apa la tuh?)

Actually I wanted to go back because I wanted to ge my books and some important stuff inside. The orientation wasn't that bad actually. Because of a lot of students got sick and all... the activity wasn't too bad. Oh and we only sleep like 2-3 hours... and they are loads of students who fell asleep during talks and everything. It's really funny and you should've seen them!!!

I'm pretty excited about class and the one thing I don't want to feel is the spirit of laziness that I have in high school.... I have to keep that spirit of hardworking and put a lot of effort in this one. Why? Because it's only gonna be 10 months to study and I didn't even have any basic in accounts. I was in pure science but took account course in Matrix. You might be thinking, am I crazy??? No... I just know what I wanted to do already so it's better to change now then never.

So I think that's all... I might not be able to update this anymore... So Chao!!

I'm BACK!!!!!!

Wohoo!!! I tell you!!! It's godd to be back. I dislike military-based routines everday! And National Service is like that. But the again people, it's not that bad at all. ot that bad because you're not alone and you've got a lot of friends to cherish.

So yea, I cried....

Bloody hell, I cried....

Yes, because it's such a sad thing that I (Janey) have to leave early for some educational purposes. I love my friends so much... especially WW Dorm 2.

Janey
Aida
Nas
Niesa
Jo-N
D-Jah
Aien
Lily
Ayu
Yatt
Ah Yen
Hwei Jing
Annie
Seri
Nad
Fika
Jass
Dewy
Wan
Sakuya
Sung Eng
Hajar
Ada
Sue
Ee Lin
Ka Fun
See Yin

(wow, I didn't forget anyone... proves that i walk around too much)

The names are according to our bed no. and yes I'm the first one. The moment I step in the camp, everything is 1... bed is 1, CB class is 1, company is 1 - Alpha... after a while, the no. 1 curse is gone.

I think our camp is not that strict because unlike other camps, we don't march on our way to the canteen. Gosh, that must be really hard. I think I can die... nah, jk.

So yeah, I think I'll be missing Kem Paya Indah and the teachers also not forgetting all the trainees for Group 2/2009!!! I LOVE THEM ALL!!!!!!

There are a lot of stuff to talk about NS but I'm kinda tired and I'm too lazy to type.

I'll be leaving really soon

Since I really can't blog in National Service so I'm gonna blog out my thoughts for the last time.

I'm gonna miss all my friends here in KK and I love them so much as much as I love my family.
I'm sorry if I'm such a burden to you guys but that's how I am. You people have to understand.
But then again, I promise I will be a better person in the future. I may not change a lot better but I will try.
So I want to say, take care of each other while I'm not here with you and I hope that our friendship will last 'til we breathe our last breath.
I want all of you to know this so Miza (if you're reading) please tell 'em.
I'll be shedding tears for leaving home but I'll be coming back.
You girls in Stella Maris are the miracles in my life 'cos we spend our adolescence years together which is the most memorable stages that we go through our whole entire lives. I will cherish every moment. Thank you for everything girls! Love you 'til infinity.
Friends of Life Teen and from church... you guys rock my world as Jesus did. You build me up spiritually strong and ready to face the real world. Thanks people!

Sincerely,
Janey

I'm leaving on a jetplane...

Well, I'm not exactly leaving on a jetplane but on a plane. I'll be going to National Service for 2 to 3 months. That is like leaving home for military school. Well, it's not exactly a military school... It's just like one. I mean holding guns and squad on a team and be a crocodile passing through the nets and stuff... and flying fox, kayaking and lots of extreme and life-threatening activitives. Not that anyone will died but someone did died...(sad isn't it? i know right...?) but still 99% lives so there's no reason I shouldn't live unless it's my time. But I pray to God that I will survive this thing.

I didn't thing that anybody will care about me going to this because I've live my years of life being ignored by the society... Sometimes I feel left out by my crowd of friends (yes Miza, I do.) I think the only one who knows about this is Leha since we spend so much time with each other at work then I throw all the blame on her. I'm so sorry Leha, I didn't mean too. You can hate me if you want to... Forgive me for my naive reaction. I know that I need to blow it off but it's really hard for me. I guess I'm use to the attention that has been brought up since I was little in my family. I guess I'm not that little girl anymore. And I need to grow up. So what if nobody give a damn about me, I'd still live. It's not like I'm gonna die of misery. There's a lot of things I wanted to share in this blog but I don't think I'm ready. I'm ready when it's time to run away. To let things cool off for a moment. If you're sorry, don't be 'cos it's my fault. And no, I'm not gonna kill myself. I was brought up spiritually strong so nothing bad is gonna happen. I know where I will go if I did that.

So yea, that was my little confession. I don't want to blame anyone but myself. Maybe it's my fault that I don't know how to blend in the chemistry we all had in high school. What the heck? I got C for my Chemistry. It's not that I don't like Chemistry, I find it amusing but sometimes it's really complicated. Sorry Teacher Phyllis, didn't mean to dissapoint you.

I felt really guilty that I spend so much on my money that I wanted to save for NS and my dad was pretty much pissed off and felt like he wanted to do nothing about me and don't want to give me any more money. And about my mom, she gave me extra pocket money so that I will survive. I'm not planning to use it tho' except when I really need it. I think I really have to save up. But then again, at least I don't go to night club and waste time and money... (Sorry if it caught you) But spending your parents money on clubbing is not a very wise thing to do. Getting wasted is a whole lots of waste of time. And it takes time and a lot of effort to go sober again so it's pretty much a waste of time and a waste of energy. ARGH!!! Screw it.... I'm not lecturing here!

So yea, I'm gonna miss everyone... Especially everyone... My mom mostly, and my family. I don't think I will miss my 2nd bro because he was excited that I was going... and he told me I was just messing up the house. Well, screw him. He was messing the house up. Not that he is messing it up but he is a mess to this house, this lovely sanctuary of mine. He should get a place of his own! But then again, I'm not that evil, I'm gonna miss having a fight with him. I'm gonna miss the puppies, can't watch them grow. So as the kittens. They can't even see me!!! How can they remember me?? O...no. And my cat and dog, Letto, I'm so gonna miss him!

So some of my friends wanted to see me go off tomorrow. I really hope so.

I finish this one book called Grafitti Girl by Kelly Parla and I love it. I gave the book to Bibiana 'cos I'm done with it. That is the kind of book that I wanted to read non-stop and I did. Finished it in one day with 200++ pages. I think that is where I got a feeling that I should blog. I just love how a writer writes with many description and intonation and definitions... It kinda makes a story interesting. And no, I'm not gonna take up writing. I just love reading good books. And 1 more thing about the book, it's published by MTV!!! Which is super cool 'cos I don't see a lot of MTV. Haha.

"This is the cover of the book... cool isn't it?
When I first saw it, I knew it was the kind of book that I like."

GERMAYNE

darn that thing

I have to admit, taking SPM result does have an effect in my life during these past few days.

Maybe not for you, but for me it has an enormous effect. Well, maybe not that big but yea, faham-faham la bah!

In the last few days I've been really quiet and I have no mood at all... not at all. I do things quiet and very slow just so that I could forget about taking my result....
I don't want to put my hopes to high and I won't.
I just hope that I won't drown myself taking my result.
Since my mom is not here...(she's inTawau, visiting my uncle) I have to do all the house chores.

I pray so that my uncle will be A OK.

I tried to do a lot of things including playing my favorite game in PS2 and reading a novel and the net and listening to music, dance... but sadly, the letter s.p.m. is always hunting me.
They say, "nervous is good"
but i'd say, "too nervous is not good"
it's the same thing as putting up your hopes too high then nothing is too high in the end.
I guess, I just have to wait 'til the doomsday comes.

Oh, and one more thing, since I already have my license and I can drive legally, I want and seriously want to take my result on my own... no escort. So I might as well ask my dad to let me.

O God most gracious Father, please let me drive!!! Please soften my father's heart so that he will pitifully let me drive.

I guess that all... I know that this post is a bit boring because I have no intention of making this post... a.k.a. no mood at all. But what the heck, Thanks For Reading and have a nice day people.

Guess what people???!!!

During my times of learning, I would have never thought that ...

So today I went for JPJ test at my driving school and gawd I was so freaking nervous because

#1: I woke up late... my tutor was suppose to pick me up at 7 am and I was so tired, so I overslept and woke around 7.40am. My tutor was already outside waiting while I was still snoozing my nose off!! PLUS... I didn't even hear the phone rings and the alarm I set. Gawd, I must be sleeping like sloth! My bro probably think I was dead when he shouted my name awaking me.

#2: Was suppose to practice driving for 2 hours today and was only able to make for 1 hour 'cos JPJ test was about to start at 8.30am. Actually, it was less than an hour... darn.

#3: I was so bloody blur about where to start and what to do first which is the 5 perkara.
Odoi kangkudiau, au zou hafal iho.

#4: I don't have any friends to talk and discuss to and mu tutor was so friggin' sure I was going to pass like a rainbow.

So I practice the lebuhraya and try to recall and memorize all those things with changing gears, signals, how fast can you go and not to panic.... gawsh, it was hard to do it when it's been like 2 weeks since you didn't drive. darn.

Then after that awful drive, we went to KMK to practice the hill. Which I was pretty fine already. Well, I was hopeful. And then after a while, came another of my tutor's student which his name is BiBi. Then I do a few time with the hill and we exchange sit and he did it. He was a smooth driver and I feel safe with him. Rupa-rupanya.... he have a car but no license.

So I've got myself a friend to talk to and discuss to... (O God, thank you so much!!!!)

Then we talk about a lot of things which is the 5 perkara and the side parking and the hill and bla...bla...bla... until it's our turn to do the 3 basic drive (hill, side parking and 3 pointer). I went first and BB went after me.

The hill - the examiner was a dude... so he asked me to start at the white line and off I go.... I stop right on top of the yellow line! YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! and he asked me to put my hand up if I was ready to pass and putting down my handbrake and off I went to the side parking area. Alleluia. (32 secs)

Side parking - This time, the examiner was a woman. And I was told to put my hand up if I wanted to start and put my hand up if I wanted to go out. So I put my hand up and then start (there was a timer!! she was holding a timer!! o gosh). I almost and BB was at my back so he told me I was really close to the poll and he almost push his horn to warn me (haha, thanks dude but I knew it was close. Sengaja bah... kaC trill sikit.) But I didn't hit the poll. I can say my side parking was perfect. I always wanted it to be perfect. hehe. (bah, minta puji mcm mau kena tampar2). The reason I wanted it to be close to the poll because it makes me easier and it will look beautiful if I go out. So basically, my instinct are OK. So I went out with enough measurement and went to the next one. (2 mins 2 secs)

3 penjuru (btul ka 3 pointer?) - So I was waiting for my turn to do the 3 penjuru and when it is my turn, I didn't know the examiner was looking at me because her eyes was at the side parking and she turn her face and shouted "Janey! Angkat lah tangan!!! (Janey, put up you hand!)" It was so awkward I sink myself into the steering after I put up my hand. (Bikin malu!!!! Kureng butul oh tu puan. Kalo iya pun nda payah lah bah teriak.) But then I think she had to shout 'cos I was far. And when I told BB, he was like "ooo, ko pula tu yang kena teriak." Aduinah... bikin.penjuru was fine and no I didn't go near the poll this time. (52 secs)

So I went to park the car, went to where the examiner sat and sign the documents. I PASSED all three!!!!! Alleluia.

If you're looking at the time, my lucky no. for that day might be 2.

BB told me that there's 1 girl that was asked to go home because she failed the hill. Punyala...
It was such a sad thing because she was asked harshly to go home. The JPJ didn't even say like this "Sorry miss but you failed and you can go home. Try again." instead he said "Get out of the car. You can go home." That's all. If I were her, I would flush myself.

So we waited for the 2nd one which is the highway test for 2 hours. Darn, it was like a long wait and... nevermind... (gawd, i'm such a racist!)

It was my turn and I got a bigger car which is Saga and BB got a smaller car which we use for practice. It was not fair. He's bigger. (Darn, I sound like a kid craving for vanilla ice-cream instead I got a choco?) So yea, he was behind me again ("-.-).

At first, the engine broke so I had to start again, it turns out that I didn't put down the handbrake. (ai, budu nokopio!) Then I start the second go and off I went. The car was racing. LOL, lost control of clutch. hehe... but it was alright until I didn't signal at some point and I was so bloody worried. There was a construction going on and we had to stop to let a truck pass and then the part where I was worried about which is the roundabout, I did pretty well. Thank God.
And then after all of the misery, we stopped and he gave me my result. And I PASSED!!!!!!!!
And BB passed too.

True students of Uncle Jinggol (oh, that's my tutor.) hehe. Uncle Jinggol rules!

We gave our result to JPJ and then he said we can go home. BB sent me home with his car. He brought his car!!! darn... He's been driving for 3 years without a license which is CRAZY! Not only for three year but going and back from kk to bintulu. That's friggin' far. (Gila oh... I wonder why he's not caught...)

I passed miraculously.

Thanks for reading... I never knew you people would survive this boring post.

I Miss...

There are a lot of things I miss right now... mostly hanging out with my friends. I miss the laugher and the joy we had in high school. It's true what my teachers said that
"karang kalo kamu sdh habis high school, kamu akan rindu tu semua kawan kamu. trus kamu mau balik skul lagi"
and Miss Sang said "If you turn 30, you will wonder how your old high school friends are doing"
Oh gawsh, it's such a sad thing to think about that. There could be possibilities that only Miza is reading this... and maybe M'lia... so I wanna say, not only you two but also the rest of the gang that I love you girls 'til the end and I'll always cherish the time we had together, our madness, our youthfulness and the crazy times we had in class and in school. If I did anything wrong, I'm sorry girls. I was young and stupid (not forgetting....blur). Still is now....hahah.

And last Saturday, we went to 1B to go for the education fair and gawd I tell you, 1B was boring. There's like nowhere to hang.
Tidak apa la kalo kami semua ni loaded trus kalo duduk satu tempat pun teda masalah. K-box pun tutup. Main game ja lah... itu pun mahal butul ni... Trus banyak btul ni couple sempena Vday.
Then we decide to go to Waterfront and eat there and hang out for a bit, talk about our past and present. It's such a wonderful time.... I wish it could last forever.

I miss Anthea too. It's been such a long time since I have not seen her eventho' she here in KK. I wanna go out with you!!!!! But WHEN????!!!!
(I know she's not gonna read this so I'll jst sms her.)

And I miss Flyleaf... I miss being crazy over them... So I'm gonna be crazy over them again since it brings a lot of cheerful memories when listening to their songs.

I want this CD!!!!!

Check my Playlist which you can see on the left and song no. 2 for the full audio.